I Tried to Change This One Habit, and I’m Still Faceplanting

...or why changing habits is harder than it looks (and what to do about it)

So there I was, laying butt up on the floor. (And no, this isn't that kind of story.)

My vision blurred, then slowly refocused as I regained awareness. "How did I end up here?" I wondered, momentarily disoriented.

The last thing I remembered was getting out of bed to grab my robe. A simple task, or so I thought.

Then it hit me: I fainted. Again.

It's one of those lingering effects of my brain injury: POTS – Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Basically, if I stand up too quickly, it's like my blood pressure takes a surprise vacation and forgets to tell my brain. Cue the dramatic floor meet-and-greet. (I swear, my floor and I are getting way too close these days.)

It's a frustrating reality I've learned to live with. I've rearranged furniture to prevent falls and strategically placed soft rugs in high-risk zones.

Unfortunately, there's no quick fix for POTS. Managing it involves a slow and deliberate approach to standing up. Sitting on the edge of the bed for a minute before rising is all it takes.

Seems easy enough, right? Well, you'd think so. But apparently I haven't quite mastered the art of getting out of bed gracefully and slowly. 

Even after two months of trying. 

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Changing our behavior is tough. Really tough.

You can blame your brain for that. Our brains are wired for efficiency, and habits are basically shortcuts that free up mental energy for other things. The longer we've been doing something a certain way, the deeper those neural pathways become, and the harder they are to change.

It's like trying to carve a new path through a dense forest. You have to hack away at the undergrowth and forge a new trail, which takes time and effort. 

In my case, I've been waking up and launching myself out of bed for decades. That's a deeply ingrained habit, and rewiring those neural pathways feels like an uphill battle.

And here's the kicker: it takes a lot longer than those mythical 21 days we've all heard about. That number came from a book in the 1960s, and it's been thoroughly debunked.

Research suggests it can actually take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to form a new habit, depending on the complexity of the behavior and individual factors.

Let that sink in for a moment. 18 to 254 days!

It's no wonder that changing habits and sticking to resolutions is so challenging, and it's no wonder that fad diets never seem to last. We're essentially trying to rewire our brains, and that's a marathon, not a sprint.

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You know what else is a common part of the habit change process? 

Relapse.

I know, I know, that word can be a bit loaded. But it's important to remember that "relapse" applies to more than just addiction recovery. It is a normal part of any habit change journey.

Take me, for example. I can go an entire week diligently practicing my new routine: gently sitting on the side of the bed after waking up, taking a moment to gather myself, and then slowly standing up.

And then, bam! The next morning, I'm shooting out of bed like a rocket, only to crash land back on the floor with a thud. 

Why does this happen? 

Well, habits are deeply ingrained in our memory systems, making them incredibly resistant to change. Even when we consciously try to adopt new behaviors, those old habit memories linger like ghosts, ready to sabotage our efforts at any moment.

Think of it like learning to ride a bike. Even if you haven't ridden in years, the skill remains tucked away in your memory, waiting to be reactivated. Similarly, habit memories can lie dormant, making it all too easy to slip back into old patterns, even after a period of success.

And it gets even trickier when these habits are tied to environmental cues, stressful situations, or emotional triggers. Stress, in particular, is a master saboteur. It can hijack our self-control and make it nearly impossible to resist those old, comforting habits.

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So, what can we do when those old habits come back to haunt us? When we find ourselves slipping back into those well-worn grooves?

First and foremost, we need to give ourselves a break. Seriously. 

Self-compassion is key. Recognize that changing habits is a journey, not a destination, and it's rarely a linear one. Even seemingly simple habits can have deep roots and complex triggers.

I've noticed that the more frustrated I get with myself for messing up my new routine (you know, the one where I don't faceplant onto the floor first thing in the morning?), the harder it is to get back on track the next day. It's like I'm psyching myself out, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. 

But when I'm kind to myself, when I acknowledge the struggle without judgment, I'm much more likely to pick myself up and try again.

The second crucial step is to identify those sneaky environmental factors and contextual cues that might be contributing to my relapses. For me, it's those hectic workdays when I'm feeling rushed and my schedule is inflexible. That sense of urgency seems to override my best intentions to start the day slowly.

So, I'm experimenting with building in more flexibility in the mornings, even if it means tweaking my nighttime routine. (Which, let's be honest, is a whole other can of worms! It's a work in progress, folks.)

I've also noticed a correlation between those nights when my stress levels are through the roof (thanks, Whoop data!) and my tendency to have a close encounter with the floor the next morning. This is what that looks like:

I'm still figuring out how to address that, but awareness is the first step, right?

To sum it all up, here's what to do when those habits aren't changing as quickly as you'd like:

1. Embrace self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, acknowledge the struggle, and ditch the self-judgment.

2. Play detective: Identify any environmental factors or contextual cues that might be contributing to your relapses.

3. Manage stress: Stress can be a sneaky saboteur when it comes to changing habits. Explore techniques like mindfulness, exercise, and setting boundaries to reduce stress and build resilience. Prioritizing self-care and finding healthy coping mechanisms can make a world of difference.

And remember, it can take time! It might take weeks, months, or even close to a year to solidify a new habit. Be patient with yourself, keep experimenting, and celebrate those small victories along the way. 

You've got this!

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