Embracing Anger

Revealing its Hidden Wisdom and Transformative Power

Right after hitting "publish" on my last article about exploring non-violence, I decided to treat myself to a bit of yoga nidra. You know, the kind where you're supposed to drift off into blissful relaxation? 

Well, let's just say mine took a bit of a detour.

Just as I started to sink into that delicious in-between state, a rather startling image popped into my mind's eye: me, looking like I'd wrestled a rabid raccoon, clutching a knife amidst the shattered remains of a mirror. 

My inner self locked eyes with my conscious self, flashed a knowing smile, and then... dropped the knife.

Poof! The image vanished.

In that moment, a wave of relief washed over me, followed by an unexpected sense of peace. The rest of the session was pure bliss, and I emerged feeling like I'd just spent a week at a spa.

But as I reflected on the experience, it hit me: there was a lot of anger simmering beneath the surface.

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Anger is like that potent cocktail you swore off after that one wild night. You know the one. It hits you with a rush, leaving your mind and body in a chaotic frenzy.

• Your adrenal glands go into overdrive, pumping out stress hormones like they're prepping for a marathon you didn't sign up for.

• Your heart pounds like a drum solo, blood pressure skyrockets, and your muscles tense up, coiled and ready to spring.

• All the while, your rational brain, the voice of reason, is drowned out by the siren song of rage.

And yet, even with all this internal chaos, we often try to bury anger deep down. We plaster on a smile, mutter "I'm fine" through gritted teeth, and tell ourselves to just "let it go." But suppression is a temporary fix, like sweeping dust under a rug – it doesn't magically disappear.

Your body remembers. Your mind keeps score. That simmering anger finds sneaky ways to leak out, poisoning your thoughts and actions.

Suddenly, you're snapping at your loved ones for no good reason, engaging in a vicious inner monologue of self-criticism, slamming doors, maybe even taking a swing at an inanimate object (hey, we've all been there). In those moments, it might feel like a release, a brief respite from the pressure cooker of suppressed emotions.

But the truth is, you're slowly transforming into a shadow of your true self. An unseen force—that pent-up anger—is pulling the strings, eroding your inner peace and hijacking your happiness.

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The four roots of anger

In my work, I often simplify the complex tapestry of anger's origins into four categories: Childhood, Situational, Societal, and Cultural. Each of us carries a unique blend of these, shaped by our individual experiences and the world around us.

• Childhood Anger: The lingering sting of unresolved childhood wounds, like a phantom limb that aches whenever life triggers those old hurts.

• Situational Anger: The fiery outburst sparked by a frustrating event, like a tea kettle reaching its boiling point.

• Societal Anger: The righteous indignation at injustice and inequality, a burning desire to right the wrongs of the world.

• Cultural Anger: The clash between differing values, like two tectonic plates grinding against each other, creating tremors of resentment.

These categories provide a helpful framework, helping us narrow down where our anger is rooted.

Connecting the dots

That image of myself holding a knife amidst shattered glass was like a lightning bolt of insight.

I'd been feeling particularly on edge lately, my body buzzing with a nervous energy that my doctors attributed to my recent concussion. But deep down, I knew there was more to the story.

As I sat with that unsettling image, a wave of recognition washed over me: I was grappling with a surge of situational anger.

The accident had shattered more than just a mirror; it had left my brain and body feeling fragmented and vulnerable. In my eagerness to heal, I'd approached my rehab with the same relentless intensity I usually reserve for conquering career goals. But perhaps, in this instance, that fierce determination wasn't serving me.

Maybe I'd pushed myself too hard, too fast, leaving my inner self feeling cornered and resentful, desperately clutching that metaphorical knife in self-defense. This internal struggle had manifested as a subtle undercurrent of violence, seeping into my thoughts and actions.

But simply acknowledging this anger, allowing myself to feel its heat without judgment, was the first step toward healing. The physical rehab was essential, of course, but it turns out I needed a little self-rehab too.

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Anger: friend, not foe

Instead of seeing anger as the enemy, I find it far more beneficial to approach it as a multifaceted ally. Think of it like a shape-shifter, capable of taking on different roles to guide, transform, and heal us.

Anger as the Guide

Anger can be like a trusty trail guide, pointing out the hidden pitfalls and detours on your life journey. It alerts you to unmet needs, boundary violations, and injustices, giving you valuable clues about what truly matters to you. By listening closely to its whispers, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and take action to create positive change.

• Practice: Next time you feel anger rising, pause and ask yourself: "What is this anger trying to tell me? What need is going unmet? What boundary has been crossed?" Journaling can be a helpful tool for exploring these questions. So can my unique approach to Yoga Nidra (I’ll be posting a guided experience soon!).

Anger as the Alchemist

Anger's raw energy doesn't have to be destructive. It can be harnessed, like a powerful fire, to forge something new and beautiful. Channel that anger into setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself and others, or pursuing creative endeavors that set your soul on fire. This involves turning pain into purpose, using that fiery energy to fuel your growth and create a life that truly reflects who you are. Anger, when felt and channeled, can be truly transformative.

• Practice: Explore creative outlets like painting, writing, or music to express your anger. You can also consider using your anger to fuel activism or volunteer work for a cause you're passionate about.

Anger as the Healer

Acknowledging and processing your anger can be like opening a window in a stuffy room, letting in fresh air and sunlight. It creates space for healing and forgiveness, both for yourself and others. This doesn't mean excusing harmful actions, but rather, releasing the heavy burden of resentment and moving forward with greater peace and freedom. It's about embracing compassion, for yourself and those who may have wronged you, and creating opportunities for deeper connection.

• Practice: Try mindfulness meditation or deep breathing exercises to create space for observing your anger without judgment. Consider writing a letter to yourself or the person you're angry with, expressing your feelings, and then letting go.

So, the next time anger comes knocking, don't slam the door in its face. Invite it in, offer it a cup of tea (or maybe something stronger), and listen to what it has to say.

• Is it pointing out a boundary that needs reinforcing?

• A cause that needs championing?

• Or perhaps an old wound that needs tending?

Remember, anger isn't the villain of the story; it's a messenger, a catalyst for change, and a powerful force for healing. Embrace its wisdom, harness its energy, and let it guide you toward a more authentic, empowered, and peaceful life.

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A mindful invitation

As we continue our journey toward non-violence this September, I invite you to turn your gaze inward and explore your own relationship with anger. What whispers and messages has it been sending you? What unmet needs, boundary violations, or injustices have you been overlooking?

Cultivating a mindful relationship with anger requires courage and compassion. It means creating space to feel its intensity without judgment, listening to its wisdom, and channeling its energy toward healing and growth. It's about recognizing that anger, when acknowledged and understood, can be a powerful catalyst for positive change, both within ourselves and in the world around us.

So, take a moment to reflect on your own experiences with anger. What lessons has it taught you? How can you harness its energy to live more authentically and contribute to a more peaceful world? Remember, the path to non-violence begins with understanding and embracing the full spectrum of our human emotions, including the fiery passion of anger.

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Gratitude corner

I’d like to extend my deepest gratitude to

Kathy Napoli

, the writer of

INNER SANCTUM OF BELIEF

for her recent support of Moving Beyond. If you haven’t read her latest work, she is currently publishing a memoir. Her words stir the soul.

I’d also like to thank

Lucy Squire

, who writes

The Mindful Living Academy

, for her recent recommendation of Moving Beyond. If you are in the UK, you should check out her upcoming mindfulness retreat - I mean, if I were close to the UK I’d go :). There are only two spots left!

I’d also like to thank

Clifford Adams

, who writes the

Daily Mindset

, for his recent recommendation of Moving Beyond. Each weekly newsletter provides a great mindset to adopt for the week - you should check it out!

I’d also like to thank

Rosa Alicia Santoyo

, who writes

Your Body Is A Poem

, for her recent recommendation of Moving Beyond. I’ve been an avid reader of Rosa’s, as her poetry touches the soul deeply. If you want to explore poetry, her work is truly worth the read.